We know

Strumming my pain with your fingers

Singing my life with your words

Killing me softly with your song

As much as you know; as little as I do.

You tell me all the things I want to hear

And you say them so sweetly

You're in and around my heart

And I'm pleased to have you there.

You strengthen that which is my flesh

And it excites me when you do

You understand my emotions like no other

And you help me to know that I'm right.

You never leave me alone, always with me

You walk me to class & back to my room

You keep me company when I study

You rock me to sleep at night.

My dreams & my ambitions are held together by you

My love & my life is at your command

I've always felt like you're true to me

Like you're the only one I can trust.

It was hard for me to find out that you lie

I cried when I realized you wanted to destroy me

I felt used knowing that your entertainment was a ploy

You understood me, yes

But that was the tool to destroying me.

You showed me things that are pure but distorted them in my mind

You spun me around in darkness so I wouldn't know the way to light

You tried to take my soul by poisoning my mind

You blocked all reason & turned me to emotions.

You took the things I loved so dear

The people that loved me too

You made yourself my alpha and I made you the omega.

And now the lies you told are the truths I live in

Now I am all those things you told me I was

But I don't want you anymore

I want to know who I really am; who I can be.

But you'll never show me that

You'll only give what you need to go on

And I finally figured out why.

If you let me see who I am,

I'll know that I'm above you

I'll know that I don't need you

I'll know that I'm the one with life, not you

I'll know that I don't need your validation

I'll know that my decisions are mine

I'll know that I owe you nothing.

I'm finding out so many things about you

Things I wish I knew before now

But I'm not too worried about it

Because the most important thing is

I know its never too late to walk away from you.

It's As Much Your Sin!

“I had never had to fight so hard for anything in my life. Today, I find myself fighting to save my marriage. I know what would happen if I let this situation spin out on its own; I would be left without a life and I can’t let that happen. I love my husband, I love my children, I love who I am when I’m with them and I love the life that we have. I’m not going to give that up just because of a passion that should never have been. I’ve made up my mind. I’m sorry but I cannot see you anymore.”

Nothing could ever make me forget these words for as long as I live. As I hit send I knew I was doing the right thing but it hurt like hell. I began to think I shouldn’t have sent something like that via email but I knew if I decided to go and see him, I might not do what I was meant to do. Maybe I’m a coward but that’s just the way it ought to be. My phone rang 5 minutes after; it was him. I didn’t pick up, I couldn’t. I knew what would happen if I did. He would convince me to meet him somewhere to talk this through, which was not a good idea. My phone rang numerous times after that but I just ignored the longing to hear the deep rumble of his voice.

“Hey, pick up the phone. I know you’re there. Please, I just want to talk.”

I wanted to reply, to tell him to leave me alone but I knew a clean break was best. I deleted the message immediately. I struggled through the day to not call him or respond to his numerous messages, at some point, I even saw him in my office but of course, it wasn’t him. I drove home working up the right attitude and frame of mind to handle spending time with my family without tipping anybody off on the turmoil that was my emotions. As I walked through the door my 9year old daughter came screaming at me full speed ahead, her 5year old twin brothers were not very far behind. I hugged all three of them at once as they loved the way I squeezed them whenever I did and they all giggled. I sat in the living room to watch them play for a while as Sade, the help, brought me a drink. My husband came in about an hour after. He looked extra good in my eyes today. He played with the kids regularly and they loved him for it, they were all laughing so hard. I reveled in the sound. This was good, this was home.

“Are you alright?” Dotun asked as we settled in for the night.
“Yes, of course.” I said trying to look calm.
“Who was that on the phone before?” He asked still staring at me.
“Uhm, it was a message. It was work related.” I hated lying to him.
“Everything okay there?”
“Dotun, I already told you, everything is fine. There is no problem.”
“Okay, just checking. Goodnight hon. I love you.”
“I love you too. Goodnight.”
I waited until he fell asleep before I let the tears fall. What had I done? I picked up my phone and read the text message again.

“Darling, why are you doing this to me? What did I do wrong? Whatever it is, I’m sorry, but please, you have to talk to me. I’ll call you again tomorrow. We really have to talk, please. I love you. I know you love me too. We’ll work this out. It’ll be fine. I promise.”

What had I gotten myself into? I didn’t intend for all this to happen. It was all just harmless, I swear it was innocent. I never slept with him; we never even kissed, at least not outside of my mind. But that in itself was bad enough. I had always been a good person; good daughter, good sister, good student, good friend, good employee, good wife and a good mother. It wasn’t like me to do something this reckless and irresponsible but I seem to have found myself paddling this boat alone. As I lay beside my husband of 10 years I began to think of how I got myself into this mess in the first place.

As the official secretary to the CEO of the company I worked for I was expected to travel with my boss whenever he needed me. It was on one of these trips to Lagos that I met Etenye. He happened to be staying at the same hotel we were, he was also there in Lagos on business. We got talking one Saturday afternoon by the hotel pool and it was comfortable. Most men just stare at my body in such situations even when my husband is right next to me but he wasn’t like that, we were having a real conversation, he even made me laugh a couple of times. We didn’t even realize that we didn’t know each other’s names until I was about to head back in. He took my number and said he would call once he was back in Abuja. At that point I didn’t think anything was wrong.

He did call when he got back and we saw each other a couple of times, nothing out of the ordinary. His calls became more frequent and I began to look forward to them. It wasn’t until Dotun asked one night who I had just gotten off the phone with, after having a conversation with Etenye, and I said “my sister” did I get the nagging feeling that something was wrong. I pushed all of that aside and reasoned $y husband would just get upset over nothing if I had told him the truth. It really was nothing, so I told myself.
The first gift Etenye bought me was a gold keychain with my name on it in little diamonds. It was such an expensive gift but he said it wasn’t something he couldn’t get for any of his other friends so I took it. That’s when the second lie came, I told my husband it was a gift from the folks at my office and I wasn’t the only one who had gotten one. The gifts became as regular as the phone calls and the meetings and I felt myself falling for him but I wasn’t going to do anything about it so it didn’t matter. Nothing changed at home. I was still as involved in my children’s lives and as loving to my husband but now I had more, I had Etenye. He looked at me with such adoration in his eyes, and I felt everything he was thinking when he spoke to me. He was going to say “I love you” once but I hushed him before he could, it would ruin things. The day my heart fell at his feet, was the day he took me dancing.

Dotun hated dancing. Before we got married I had begged him to go to a dancing coach with me so we could have a couple’s dance but he had done it so grudgingly and his attitude during the lesson was so unpleasant I just let the whole idea go. But Etenye, he was such a good dancer. It was like his feet didn’t touch the ground and he took me along as he flew about the place. At the final dip our eyes locked and passion singed the air. I wanted him and he wanted me. in that moment there was nobody but us, there was nowhere, no time, no space, no boundaries; just the vast ocean of his eyes, the curve of his lips, his breath. I saw it in his eyes, his desire, and it stirred up something within me. All my dreams and fantasies about this moment didn’t come close to the real thing. He lowered his head to mine and just as we would touch I realized that this moment didn’t hold a candle to waking up every morning to my darling husband and my kids. I pushed up and out of his arms and flew out the door. It didn't occur to me that I didn't have my car, Ijust ran.

I pulled my self together after taking a cab back to my office where my car was parked. I sat in the driver's seat of my car and wept all over the steering wheel. How could I have come so close to throwing away my marriage? I made up my mind not to see him anymore and I drove home with that resolve, it was a struggle to make it through the motions. I sent the message as soon as I could at my office the next day. That night, as I lay beside my husband I knew I had made the right decision, but my heart still ached. Dotun opened his eyes to my muffled sob and looked at me, questions in his eyes. I just looked down at him, smiled and said "I love you." He stretched out his arm and as I lay down against him I pushed all thoughts of Etenye aside, this was where I belonged.

you've got a forest in your eye...

Anticipation is building as girls rush out of rooms and run right into others. Gowns flying, heels clicking, tongues wagging, lips smacking, they fly from pillar to post just so they don’t miss what is coming.
A girl screams out, “Where in the world is my lipstick? ADETOLA!”
“Oops! Sorry. My bad.”
And just like that, the banter goes on and on. Everyone wants to look their best, for they are coming soon and they will only take those who are ready for the task ahead. In a very short while, the call will come and for those who get on board, the journey begins, for those who don’t, they’ve missed the only chance they’ll ever get.

I step into my room, hoping for the comfort of solitude, but much to my surprise I find that the commotion I witnessed outside cannot hold a candle to the tornado of events raging in my room. Clothes are strewn all over the place, there is make-up covering every inch of the dressing table, there are voices coming from every angle of the room and about seven mouths to go with those voices, none of which I recognize. I step around the clutter, confusion evident in my face, searching for a familiar face. My roommate then walks in, dressed to kill.
“Wow! Where are you off too?” I know that’s a stupid question. I obviously know where she’s off to but I refuse to believe it.
“Oh, I’m off to have fun, darling. Obviously from the way you’re dressed we’re not heading to the same place.”
“Well, except if you intend to have fun in your bed all by yourself, no, we are not heading to the same place.” I said as I moved between the staring eyes.
I sit on my bed as I watch them all get ready, awestruck. Lipstick is traded, eye shadow applied, dresses are adjusted, shoes are worn, all in the mind to dazzle whatever audience cares to observe. The end result is jaw dropping.

My roommate is dressed in a snug, backless, micro-mini aquamarine gown, with a dipping neckline, gold strappy heels, and her hair cascading down her back like a waterfall; obviously she just put in the extensions that day. The only piece of jewellery worn, tiny gold studs in her ears and a thin gold bracelet I had given her on her birthday. The others are also clad in a variety of skimpy to slutty, a mini skirt here, daisy duke shorts there, with attitudes to match too.
“Ladun darling, how do I look?” she spins so I can get a good look of the dress, though there isn’t really much to see.
I raise an eyebrow in response.
She gives a hearty laugh, “Just the expression I was looking for. Mission accomplished.”
“Right, yay you!”
“Anyway, we’re off. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Bye.”

As they all step out, the excitement they feel evident in their chatter, I feel a cold knot form in the pit of my belly; dread shoots through every fiber of my being and leaves me shaken. I call out to my roommate.
“Sade, wait.”
“Ladun, you look horrible what’s wrong?”
“Don’t go for the party, please don’t go.”
“What in the world is the matter with you? We’re just going to have some fun and be right back in the morning, no harm done. Just chill, ok?”
“No, I can’t chill. You can’t go, what if you don’t come right back? Please just listen to me, you’re not meant to go. Please don’t go, please!” At this point, I am hysterical. The more she remains adamant to go, the bigger the knot forms.
“LADUN, I am going! Stop making a fool of both of us and just go back to the room.”
The call comes in then. It sounds more like a clarion call of doom to me.
“See, I have to go. Just calm down ok, everything will be just fine. I’ll see you later.”
“Sade…”
“LADUN, SEE YOU IN THE MORNING!”
As she walks away I know that is the last time I will ever see her take a step.

I hear the news of her death at about 3a.m, but I have already shed so many tears my eyes are almost swollen shut. The circumstances surrounding her death, so grotesque; I cannot stop myself from throwing up. Her body has been found chopped to little pieces with only her eyes missing from their sockets. The pieces left floating in a pool of the blood of all the various victims unfortunate enough to have found themselves in such a situation. All victims have empty sockets where their eyes should be. As this information is being relayed to me, a girl runs in panting. We all rush to her aid because she seems frightened beyond measure. Although her clothes are tattered, we can tell where she is coming from. We ask her several questions including her name, what happened, how she got here, amongst others but all she keeps saying is “Jesus.” The moment a word is said to her she says “Jesus.” She’s shaking like a leaf, muttering the name “Jesus” over and over again. Someone arrives with a blanket and wraps her with it, holding her really close. I have already begun to pray in the spirit. Finally, she speaks out.

“They selected a couple of us and put us in their cars.” She starts in between sobs. “After a while, some of us began to notice that we had been driving for hours on a deserted road that didn’t have an end in sight. We called out to our driver to stop but he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t even look at us.” She looks at me then, “I was in the car with Sade.” I just rub her arm and motion for her to go on, still praying under my breath. She continued, “Sade grabbed the guy’s arm and screamed at him to stop the car. It was then he turned and looked at her.” She begins to sob again. “His eyes had changed. It was all black. His eyes were like deep pools of blackness. They seemed endless in depth yet vacant of life. Sade froze in her seat for like three seconds, and then let out this blood-curling scream that seemed to echo into the darkness all around us.” She is rocking back and forth now. “He started to laugh. It was a deep booming sound of elation, like he had won some kind of victory. My heart was beating so erratically, I thought it would fly right out of my chest.” She seems to have calmed down a bit now. “The convoy seemed to stop then and we were all dragged out of the cars we had been put in. from the look in the other’s eyes, they already knew something horrible was about to happen. They lined us up in pairs and then walked around us chanting something and sprinkling powder as they went along. After that, they took us one after the other and tied us up with wet rope. I didn’t know why it was wet then, but seeing myself now, it was probably soaked in blood. All of a sudden there was this whizzing noise, like some machine was being powered up. I wondered what it was until I heard the sound mix with screams of agony as metal blades cut through skin. I turned my head to see and I watched as one of the girls was sawed in half.” She bows her head and goes quiet then, we all do!
“How come you escaped, Laide?”
“I was the last one they approached. As one of them walked up to me, the chain saw in his hand, I began to whimper “Jesus”. With every step he took, I said “Jesus” a little louder. He began to stagger backwards and when I noticed, I screamed “Jesus” a little louder. Then all of them began to stagger, I screamed even louder, “Jesus”. They begged me to stop but I wouldn’t, I just screamed louder. It was then I noticed that I could move. I looked down at myself and realized the chains were loosed. I got up then and ran as fast as I could, it was like I received a surge of strength. I didn’t even know where I was going, I just ran. I began to notice familiar landmarks after a while I knew I was heading straight here.” She lets out a breath then, as though she is relieved to have it all out in the open.
I looked at her and asked, “Do you know why they cut out their eyes?”
“Their eyes weren’t cut out while I was there, but I do know that when I said “Jesus”, their eyes began to bleed.”

We clean up her cuts and bruises as best as we can. Knowing that there is no comfort we can offer to one another to ease the grief, we solemnly disperse to our various rooms, after all, life doesn’t stop because we’re in pain. As I lie on my bed, I know that sleep is no where on the horizon no matter how tight I shut my eyes. My mind begins to wander.

Laide is not a Christian as such, in fact, if anybody is a staunch follower of the things of the world it would be her, yet, she understood the basic principle of the power in the name of Jesus. She understood that when it came to crunch time, nothing could get her out of the mess except Jesus. She understood that the name of Jesus is the name above every other name, the name at which every knee must bow and every tongue must confess that Jesus truly is LORD. Furthermore, how come the name worked for her? Shouldn’t it be those who had the right to utter that name that it should work for? I mean for Pete’s sake if she had any respect for the name initially, she wouldn’t have found herself in such a situation at all.

I begin to get mad. I think about all the parties I never attended, all the boys I have turned down because it wasn’t part of “the will”, all the tests I could have gotten much higher grades on if I had just opened my note. It just doesn’t seem fair that I have been “good” all the time and people like Laide never are and yet power was made available to her. Shouldn’t it have mattered that she was a filthy sinner? Shouldn’t lightning have struck her down the first time she dared whisper the name Jesus? Where was her punishment for all the things she had done? Why had she been spared a fate she deserved? These thoughts rack through my brain over and over again till I get a splitting headache. I look at the time; it reads 7:05am. I had better get out of bed, the day has already started. I skip morning devotion today, it seems like there is no point. I set out all I will need for today and I mentally plan my route and stops. Having done that, it’s time for a bath. I’m in the mood for heat, so I turn on the water heater. As soon as I turn the knob and the hot water hits my skin my mind flashes back.

I begin to see all my misdeeds clearly. Little things I didn’t think could harm anyone; a little gossip here, a little malice there, a little jealousy here, a little white lie there. It’s like everything is being pieced together and as I look up at the whole, I see the magnitude of my sin and the latest one is ever so vivid in the picture. I begin to weep in shame. Who am I to judge anyone when my sins are ever before me? Who am I to deny anyone mercy when mercy was freely given to me? Who am I to wish punishment on a soul when I was spared? Who am I to count the sins of another when mine were never counted unto me? I get down on my knees right there, hot water pouring and all, and I beg the Lord to forgive me, for I know that I can come into his presence without shame or guilt, for we have all been given the right to call upon the name of the Lord.

I can't help falling in love with you...

I’ve heard so many times in my life that you never know what you have until it’s gone but what if you knew even when you had it? What if you have actually experienced that intense joy that comes with looking into the face of another person and seeing the fulfillment of your very heart desires? What do you say about knowing that the best thing that ever happened to you was right there in your grasp and for some unknown reason you let it slip away? What if after the short yet lengthy time you have spent on this earth, you have felt your heart beat in sync with someone else’s and now that rhythm has changed?
I’m not so experienced in the ways of the world, considering the fact that I’ve spent just about 18 years this side of heaven, but in these short years, I’ve experienced bliss in a dimension I would have assumed humanly impossible. I have thought things, dreamed things, said things, heard things and felt things that have so stretched the boundaries of my heart that I couldn’t possibly have any room to contain any more. All of it brought me to a place where all I seemed to see was light, nothing but blinding, magnificent light.
My high school was every “different” teenager’s worst nightmare. You couldn’t get by if you didn’t stick to the status quo which required of everyone to be cool and hip. I was one of the queer ones that just didn’t seem to fit into any mold no matter how hard I tried, and trust me, I did try. I tried so hard to not be noticed by too many people when I realized it was quite hopeless to conform to standards that just didn’t make any sense, I reasoned, the less people who knew me, the less people could pick on me or ridicule me. Little did I know that the very thing I was trying to avoid would soon smack me right in the face in the person of a certain young man that shook my world to pieces and put it back together to his perfect specifications. I entered a world of perfect bliss and harmony. For three years of my life, I gave him nothing but love and he gave it back and then some. I had my most hearty laughs and fondest memories when we were together and I really must say, nothing ever felt so good.
In putting me together as he so lovingly did, he held power over me in his hands and when he chose to exercise that power, he didn’t bother to clean up the mess he made of me. He simply stepped over it and moved on. I was left amidst the broken shards of my life with nothing. He made no apologies, just heartless rambling of pointless excuses to rid himself of any guilt. The cruelty of it all I pondered upon for many days with every tear drop on my cheek. I suffered through the pain with every breath that I took always maintaining hope that he would come back to me. I sat in the darkness of a love that was forever gone, not recognizing the pathetic space I now occupied day in, day out. I wallowed in his selfish betrayal till it became all I seemed to live for. How pathetic!
I held on to the pain for months on end till I read something really amazing in this precious book called The Holy Bible. It said, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” In further studies I found out that there’s this really powerful God who owns all things and who created everything, that loves me like crazy. He sent his son, who is a king by the way, to come and die for me in that my pathetic nature so that I could have a wonderful life. The one thing that struck me the most is that the very nature of this wonderful God is love. He cannot do anything that is not love. Love is who He is and because of that love, I am who I am today.
His love lifted me out of the very pit of depression, and placed me on a pedestal where pain can never overwhelm me, as long as I remain on that pedestal. His love for me has put a new spring in my step, light in my eyes, joy in my soul and hope in all that is true and good. He has truly made all things beautiful for me. As I think back on all that happened now, I can’t help but be grateful because in losing the love of a man whom I so much cherished, I received the love of a God who has my heart in the very palm of His hands.

He Amongst Men!!!

A bright and early morning with promises of a beautiful day, I woke up feeling refreshed and like I could take on the world. With a glance at the clock, I realised it was gonna be a battle against time. I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. For me, getting ready in the morning was more of a ritual than an exercise and I took my time to take care of every little detail. One more glance at the clock showed me that I was definitely not on schedule, but hey, whats a few minutes of being late gonna hurt?

I made my way out of my room whistling, (i had this insane feeling of hapiness which is very rare for me), to get my friend so we could be on our way to class. for some weird reason, she had already left. I figured she just didn't wanna hang out with me, well, I figured "that's her loss", nothing was gonna ruin my hapiness. The roads were awfully bare for a monday morning, "lots of people probably had early morning classes" I reasoned. Come to think of it now, there was hardly anyone in the hostel but whatever, it's not my business what anyone chooses to do with their time.

I got to my faculty and lo and behold the population there was pretty much zilch. I searched my bag to get out my phone so I could get to the end of this ever so puzzling mystery, I couldn't seem to feel my way to it but that was a regular occurence so I emptied the contents of my bag and still, it was nowhere in sight. I could've sworn I had it with me two seconds ago because I had my earpiece in my ears and had totally been feeling Jessica in "I think I'm in love." So what happened, one minute I could hear her and the next minute, I couldnt. Things were definitely gettin freaky.

I decided to find my way back to my hostel to try and get myself together but as I looked up, I saw absolutely nothing... No LLT, no car park, no lounge, no quadrangle, no faculty of law opposite, no road in between, absolutely nothing but a large expanse of land that seemed to stretch to eternity. At this point, I was majorly freaked. RUN came to mind but where in the world would I run to, I couldnt even decipher my left from my right. Everything just seemed to have disappeared. Just when I thought things couldn't get any freakier, nightfall seemed to creep in. What the hell, it was 9:30am last I checked and now it seemed more like 9:30pm.

Things got from freaky to scary. It was then the noises began, creepy wailing sounds like a child being tortured slowly, there was a sound of gruesome whipping in the air. Then out of the blue, he was there with me. He had handsome features, a chiseled face with the clearest eyes I've ever seen, almost like you were looking through them but they were strangely vacant. He smiled at me and revealed a set of perfect pearly whites but something about his smile seemed dark sort of. He was dressed elegantly and he was most certainly appealing. He spoke and the most mesmerizing sound I've ever heard flowed out of him, I practically swooned. Then it struck me what he said, "DEATH PREVAILS!"

His eyes turned a fiery red and the face I was recently drooling over contorted into the most hideous thing ever. He started towards me and it was then I realised his hands were more of claws and he had no lower limbs whatsoever. He charged towards me and I knew then, if I didn't get out, I would be his for eternity. I shut my eyes and let out a blood-curling, heart-wrenching scream thinking it'll be the last thing I'd ever do and then all was quiet...

In The Eye of The Beholder...

He walks into his closet and looks around at all his designer suits. He walks into his bedroom and sees his king-size bed with his beautiful wife stretched out across it lazily. He observes his kids at his beautifully carved long wooden table and the classy looking chairs with the prettiest table setting, eating breakfast that has been well cooked and set before them. He walks out of his house into his garage and sees his fleet of cars, he steps into his jaguar where his chauffeur awaits him and is driven to his office, not just any office, his chief operating officer's office, which looks more like an apartment anyway. It then starts to register wit him...

He has a bank statement that could buy him the world, a loving wife, beautiful and smart kids, a dream job, loads of friends... Basically everything. So why does he have a gun in the top drawer of his desk? Why is there that written note on his desk? Why is he sayin mental goodbyes?... He raises his hand in mock salute, opens his top drawer, pulls out his revolver, cocks it, shoves the muzzle in his mouth, nd pulls the trigger... He died in less than a minute.

As his secretary hears the noise, she walks into his office and screams as she sees the blood of a man she had admired so much. All in a blur, she contacts the police, they come rushing down nd take her statement. According to her, everything had been normal that morning, he dint seem troubled or overly-concerned bout anything. The police then contact the wife and she is shocked beyond words, she goes over it in her head repeatedly, still something doesn't fit, he was happy, wasn't he? She questions their life together, she questions their love for each other. As she arrives at the scene, she is handed a letter, she's told it was addressed to her by her husband. She opens it with shakin hands, it reads:

"my luv,
As shocking as this may seem, it was long coming. Before I explain, I need you to know that none of it was your fault, you were everything a man could hope for and want, I just wish I was man enough to give you the love you deserve. Our life together was great, regardless of what this situation depicts, please never question yourself. I was the one who was too weak to handle being a man. I guess I should explain now.
All my life I've wanted to live the life, to make all the money in the world, to marry the prettiest girl in town and to have trophy children. I always intended to be the life of the party and have the most amazing friends. I got what I wanted and it just didn't seem like enough. There was this ache inside me, I just seemed to want more but there was no more to take. So I opted for things I knew were forbidden, to me it was like a fresh challenge and I figured if I could pull it off without getting caught I'd be satisfied. You're probably wondering what I'm talkin about...
I was sleeping with my secretary.
It was never personal against you, it just felt like something challenging and exciting and when started I just couldn't stop. It killed me to come home every night and look at your beautiful face and know in my heart that I was a horrible person to betray you like that but, I had no control. I tried to end it but she refused and I was too weak a scumbag to insist. Then she got pregnant!
It was then I realized the magnitude of what I had done. I asked her to get an abortion but she refused, I tried to pay her off but still she refused, I was so lost. I couldnt share it with you for obvious reasons.
Then one night I fell asleep and I had a dream where I was watching my life replay, it was like I was there but still, I was watching myself there. When I looked closely at myself, I saw this huge gapin hole in my heart, it was just there, and every milestone or fulfilment in my life just settled around it but never filled it. At that point I understood, nothing was ever going to fill that void and the realization hurt even more.
Its a lot to ask but I hope you see why I did what I did. I admit that I was a coward and I'm sorry for the pain.
All my luv!"

With tears in her eyes she puts down the letter. She thinks it through over and over again, how could he? How could he hurt her like that? Betray everything they had! Everything they had built together? She turns around and spots the secretary and their eyes meet. The secretary knows it's all out in the open. She stares back defiantly as if to dare the wife to react but no, she turns around and walks away from all of it, the sercretary thinks she has won but what she doesn't see is the chilling look in the eye of the woman who has just been told she has been betrayed.

In the dead of the night, the wife sits on the floor outside a strange apartment with bloody hands and in them is a bloody knife. As she hears the sounds of the sirens approaching, she snaps back to reality. While the paramedics arrive and cart the dead body away, a reporter relays the info to the public, "a 28 year old secetary to the COO of the smith & co company was brutally stabbed to death by the wife of her boss, incidentally, her boss shot himself in the mouth just earlier that morning..."
As she's being handcuffed and read her miranda rights, she stares right into the camera lens and asks... "WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?"

Nothing missing... Nothing broken!

How could she? How could she have done this? Surely she didn't mean for this to happen. It just sort of did. One thing led to another and things got way out of hand.

When they first met there was an instant attraction. There was something so intriguing about him, for some strange reason his face was firmly engraved in her mind. They bumped into each other quite regularly after that, much like how u'd meet someone then it would just seem like everywhere you looked the person was there. Anyhu, at some point they definitely hit it off and major sparks started to fly. The strongest force of chemistry she had ever felt burned ever so strongly in her. She would spend her days thinking about him, dreaming up the most romantic scenarios of them both. He seemed downright perfect, always there doing the sweetest things.

The night they walked the length and breadth of u.i seemed like such an amazing night, she was practically floating on air, swooning every time he spoke her name. She heard the voice within, warning her to retreat but she ignored. They winded up at niser park all cozied up. Fingers entwined with love in their eyes. His stroking wasn't new to her, his whispers weren't strange, his scent was all too familiar and his breath was such a pleasure. He bent his head toward hers and in that moment she gave into all of it.

The nagging feelings of guilt didn't start until the next day. She woke up feeling like such a cheat, such a disappointment. How could she have ignored her master for momentary pleasure, disobeyed the voice of the spirit that guides her to all truth? How could she have given it all up for something so frivolous? All she wanted to do was serve Him, why couldn't she just have been strong? She felt disgusted with herself and wept for all her shame.

The voice came to her again, "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness". She got down on her knees and poured out her heart to her maker. Peace reigned in her; nothing missing, nothing broken!