Juvey Me

I have always wanted to know what it would be like to get caught doing something wrong. Having been the goody-2-shoes all my life, it is seriously beginning to get on my nerves a little more than usual. I was a good child growing up, everyone has told me that; apparently, I never fussed or cried as a baby when others tried to carry me, not even when my nappy was full; I never rolled around in mud or tried to put my hand into a burning flame as most other kids try; I never lied, never stole, sat when I was told to sit, ate when I was told to and I never sassed my parents, siblings or anyone else. I was the perfect child and I’m the perfect person now because as much as my attitude has been perfect, I appear to be just as beautiful and even more brilliant. My life story is basically this, I can do no wrong.

But what nobody seems to understand is that being the golden child sucks, big time! I don’t want to be the standard set for others to follow; I’m sick and tired of that. It doesn’t in the least bit make me feel good that all responsibility is always foisted on me because I’m supposedly the only one who can handle it. I just want to have a normal life like everyone else. I just want to spend my time giggling with my friends over stupid things, I want to have crushes and blush when I get teased, I want to watch the reality shows on TV even though everyone calls them retarded, i wants to get punished for sneaking out to parties; I just wants to be a teenager!”

It’s laughable really! At some point in my life, this was the most important thing to me. I remember this diary entry so vividly- my math teacher called me aside after school saying she heard I was being propositioned by a senior boy. She talked of how there were people looking up to me as well as people who had such high hopes for me and it wouldn’t do for me to engage in such juvenile behavior as the rest of my peers. Somehow she made it seem like I was superior to them all and it felt disloyal sort of. Anyway, I got what I wanted, sort of.

Past relationships have proven that I am incapable of being perfect. Present relationships have showed me that if I have it all and I don’t have love, I have nothing. Future relationships have in store the truth that I cannot rely on myself for anything because I am limited by what I know of only today. And somehow, after being perfect for so long, I am perfectly fine with this!!!