you've got a forest in your eye...

Anticipation is building as girls rush out of rooms and run right into others. Gowns flying, heels clicking, tongues wagging, lips smacking, they fly from pillar to post just so they don’t miss what is coming.
A girl screams out, “Where in the world is my lipstick? ADETOLA!”
“Oops! Sorry. My bad.”
And just like that, the banter goes on and on. Everyone wants to look their best, for they are coming soon and they will only take those who are ready for the task ahead. In a very short while, the call will come and for those who get on board, the journey begins, for those who don’t, they’ve missed the only chance they’ll ever get.

I step into my room, hoping for the comfort of solitude, but much to my surprise I find that the commotion I witnessed outside cannot hold a candle to the tornado of events raging in my room. Clothes are strewn all over the place, there is make-up covering every inch of the dressing table, there are voices coming from every angle of the room and about seven mouths to go with those voices, none of which I recognize. I step around the clutter, confusion evident in my face, searching for a familiar face. My roommate then walks in, dressed to kill.
“Wow! Where are you off too?” I know that’s a stupid question. I obviously know where she’s off to but I refuse to believe it.
“Oh, I’m off to have fun, darling. Obviously from the way you’re dressed we’re not heading to the same place.”
“Well, except if you intend to have fun in your bed all by yourself, no, we are not heading to the same place.” I said as I moved between the staring eyes.
I sit on my bed as I watch them all get ready, awestruck. Lipstick is traded, eye shadow applied, dresses are adjusted, shoes are worn, all in the mind to dazzle whatever audience cares to observe. The end result is jaw dropping.

My roommate is dressed in a snug, backless, micro-mini aquamarine gown, with a dipping neckline, gold strappy heels, and her hair cascading down her back like a waterfall; obviously she just put in the extensions that day. The only piece of jewellery worn, tiny gold studs in her ears and a thin gold bracelet I had given her on her birthday. The others are also clad in a variety of skimpy to slutty, a mini skirt here, daisy duke shorts there, with attitudes to match too.
“Ladun darling, how do I look?” she spins so I can get a good look of the dress, though there isn’t really much to see.
I raise an eyebrow in response.
She gives a hearty laugh, “Just the expression I was looking for. Mission accomplished.”
“Right, yay you!”
“Anyway, we’re off. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Bye.”

As they all step out, the excitement they feel evident in their chatter, I feel a cold knot form in the pit of my belly; dread shoots through every fiber of my being and leaves me shaken. I call out to my roommate.
“Sade, wait.”
“Ladun, you look horrible what’s wrong?”
“Don’t go for the party, please don’t go.”
“What in the world is the matter with you? We’re just going to have some fun and be right back in the morning, no harm done. Just chill, ok?”
“No, I can’t chill. You can’t go, what if you don’t come right back? Please just listen to me, you’re not meant to go. Please don’t go, please!” At this point, I am hysterical. The more she remains adamant to go, the bigger the knot forms.
“LADUN, I am going! Stop making a fool of both of us and just go back to the room.”
The call comes in then. It sounds more like a clarion call of doom to me.
“See, I have to go. Just calm down ok, everything will be just fine. I’ll see you later.”
“Sade…”
“LADUN, SEE YOU IN THE MORNING!”
As she walks away I know that is the last time I will ever see her take a step.

I hear the news of her death at about 3a.m, but I have already shed so many tears my eyes are almost swollen shut. The circumstances surrounding her death, so grotesque; I cannot stop myself from throwing up. Her body has been found chopped to little pieces with only her eyes missing from their sockets. The pieces left floating in a pool of the blood of all the various victims unfortunate enough to have found themselves in such a situation. All victims have empty sockets where their eyes should be. As this information is being relayed to me, a girl runs in panting. We all rush to her aid because she seems frightened beyond measure. Although her clothes are tattered, we can tell where she is coming from. We ask her several questions including her name, what happened, how she got here, amongst others but all she keeps saying is “Jesus.” The moment a word is said to her she says “Jesus.” She’s shaking like a leaf, muttering the name “Jesus” over and over again. Someone arrives with a blanket and wraps her with it, holding her really close. I have already begun to pray in the spirit. Finally, she speaks out.

“They selected a couple of us and put us in their cars.” She starts in between sobs. “After a while, some of us began to notice that we had been driving for hours on a deserted road that didn’t have an end in sight. We called out to our driver to stop but he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t even look at us.” She looks at me then, “I was in the car with Sade.” I just rub her arm and motion for her to go on, still praying under my breath. She continued, “Sade grabbed the guy’s arm and screamed at him to stop the car. It was then he turned and looked at her.” She begins to sob again. “His eyes had changed. It was all black. His eyes were like deep pools of blackness. They seemed endless in depth yet vacant of life. Sade froze in her seat for like three seconds, and then let out this blood-curling scream that seemed to echo into the darkness all around us.” She is rocking back and forth now. “He started to laugh. It was a deep booming sound of elation, like he had won some kind of victory. My heart was beating so erratically, I thought it would fly right out of my chest.” She seems to have calmed down a bit now. “The convoy seemed to stop then and we were all dragged out of the cars we had been put in. from the look in the other’s eyes, they already knew something horrible was about to happen. They lined us up in pairs and then walked around us chanting something and sprinkling powder as they went along. After that, they took us one after the other and tied us up with wet rope. I didn’t know why it was wet then, but seeing myself now, it was probably soaked in blood. All of a sudden there was this whizzing noise, like some machine was being powered up. I wondered what it was until I heard the sound mix with screams of agony as metal blades cut through skin. I turned my head to see and I watched as one of the girls was sawed in half.” She bows her head and goes quiet then, we all do!
“How come you escaped, Laide?”
“I was the last one they approached. As one of them walked up to me, the chain saw in his hand, I began to whimper “Jesus”. With every step he took, I said “Jesus” a little louder. He began to stagger backwards and when I noticed, I screamed “Jesus” a little louder. Then all of them began to stagger, I screamed even louder, “Jesus”. They begged me to stop but I wouldn’t, I just screamed louder. It was then I noticed that I could move. I looked down at myself and realized the chains were loosed. I got up then and ran as fast as I could, it was like I received a surge of strength. I didn’t even know where I was going, I just ran. I began to notice familiar landmarks after a while I knew I was heading straight here.” She lets out a breath then, as though she is relieved to have it all out in the open.
I looked at her and asked, “Do you know why they cut out their eyes?”
“Their eyes weren’t cut out while I was there, but I do know that when I said “Jesus”, their eyes began to bleed.”

We clean up her cuts and bruises as best as we can. Knowing that there is no comfort we can offer to one another to ease the grief, we solemnly disperse to our various rooms, after all, life doesn’t stop because we’re in pain. As I lie on my bed, I know that sleep is no where on the horizon no matter how tight I shut my eyes. My mind begins to wander.

Laide is not a Christian as such, in fact, if anybody is a staunch follower of the things of the world it would be her, yet, she understood the basic principle of the power in the name of Jesus. She understood that when it came to crunch time, nothing could get her out of the mess except Jesus. She understood that the name of Jesus is the name above every other name, the name at which every knee must bow and every tongue must confess that Jesus truly is LORD. Furthermore, how come the name worked for her? Shouldn’t it be those who had the right to utter that name that it should work for? I mean for Pete’s sake if she had any respect for the name initially, she wouldn’t have found herself in such a situation at all.

I begin to get mad. I think about all the parties I never attended, all the boys I have turned down because it wasn’t part of “the will”, all the tests I could have gotten much higher grades on if I had just opened my note. It just doesn’t seem fair that I have been “good” all the time and people like Laide never are and yet power was made available to her. Shouldn’t it have mattered that she was a filthy sinner? Shouldn’t lightning have struck her down the first time she dared whisper the name Jesus? Where was her punishment for all the things she had done? Why had she been spared a fate she deserved? These thoughts rack through my brain over and over again till I get a splitting headache. I look at the time; it reads 7:05am. I had better get out of bed, the day has already started. I skip morning devotion today, it seems like there is no point. I set out all I will need for today and I mentally plan my route and stops. Having done that, it’s time for a bath. I’m in the mood for heat, so I turn on the water heater. As soon as I turn the knob and the hot water hits my skin my mind flashes back.

I begin to see all my misdeeds clearly. Little things I didn’t think could harm anyone; a little gossip here, a little malice there, a little jealousy here, a little white lie there. It’s like everything is being pieced together and as I look up at the whole, I see the magnitude of my sin and the latest one is ever so vivid in the picture. I begin to weep in shame. Who am I to judge anyone when my sins are ever before me? Who am I to deny anyone mercy when mercy was freely given to me? Who am I to wish punishment on a soul when I was spared? Who am I to count the sins of another when mine were never counted unto me? I get down on my knees right there, hot water pouring and all, and I beg the Lord to forgive me, for I know that I can come into his presence without shame or guilt, for we have all been given the right to call upon the name of the Lord.

I can't help falling in love with you...

I’ve heard so many times in my life that you never know what you have until it’s gone but what if you knew even when you had it? What if you have actually experienced that intense joy that comes with looking into the face of another person and seeing the fulfillment of your very heart desires? What do you say about knowing that the best thing that ever happened to you was right there in your grasp and for some unknown reason you let it slip away? What if after the short yet lengthy time you have spent on this earth, you have felt your heart beat in sync with someone else’s and now that rhythm has changed?
I’m not so experienced in the ways of the world, considering the fact that I’ve spent just about 18 years this side of heaven, but in these short years, I’ve experienced bliss in a dimension I would have assumed humanly impossible. I have thought things, dreamed things, said things, heard things and felt things that have so stretched the boundaries of my heart that I couldn’t possibly have any room to contain any more. All of it brought me to a place where all I seemed to see was light, nothing but blinding, magnificent light.
My high school was every “different” teenager’s worst nightmare. You couldn’t get by if you didn’t stick to the status quo which required of everyone to be cool and hip. I was one of the queer ones that just didn’t seem to fit into any mold no matter how hard I tried, and trust me, I did try. I tried so hard to not be noticed by too many people when I realized it was quite hopeless to conform to standards that just didn’t make any sense, I reasoned, the less people who knew me, the less people could pick on me or ridicule me. Little did I know that the very thing I was trying to avoid would soon smack me right in the face in the person of a certain young man that shook my world to pieces and put it back together to his perfect specifications. I entered a world of perfect bliss and harmony. For three years of my life, I gave him nothing but love and he gave it back and then some. I had my most hearty laughs and fondest memories when we were together and I really must say, nothing ever felt so good.
In putting me together as he so lovingly did, he held power over me in his hands and when he chose to exercise that power, he didn’t bother to clean up the mess he made of me. He simply stepped over it and moved on. I was left amidst the broken shards of my life with nothing. He made no apologies, just heartless rambling of pointless excuses to rid himself of any guilt. The cruelty of it all I pondered upon for many days with every tear drop on my cheek. I suffered through the pain with every breath that I took always maintaining hope that he would come back to me. I sat in the darkness of a love that was forever gone, not recognizing the pathetic space I now occupied day in, day out. I wallowed in his selfish betrayal till it became all I seemed to live for. How pathetic!
I held on to the pain for months on end till I read something really amazing in this precious book called The Holy Bible. It said, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” In further studies I found out that there’s this really powerful God who owns all things and who created everything, that loves me like crazy. He sent his son, who is a king by the way, to come and die for me in that my pathetic nature so that I could have a wonderful life. The one thing that struck me the most is that the very nature of this wonderful God is love. He cannot do anything that is not love. Love is who He is and because of that love, I am who I am today.
His love lifted me out of the very pit of depression, and placed me on a pedestal where pain can never overwhelm me, as long as I remain on that pedestal. His love for me has put a new spring in my step, light in my eyes, joy in my soul and hope in all that is true and good. He has truly made all things beautiful for me. As I think back on all that happened now, I can’t help but be grateful because in losing the love of a man whom I so much cherished, I received the love of a God who has my heart in the very palm of His hands.