I can't help falling in love with you...

I’ve heard so many times in my life that you never know what you have until it’s gone but what if you knew even when you had it? What if you have actually experienced that intense joy that comes with looking into the face of another person and seeing the fulfillment of your very heart desires? What do you say about knowing that the best thing that ever happened to you was right there in your grasp and for some unknown reason you let it slip away? What if after the short yet lengthy time you have spent on this earth, you have felt your heart beat in sync with someone else’s and now that rhythm has changed?
I’m not so experienced in the ways of the world, considering the fact that I’ve spent just about 18 years this side of heaven, but in these short years, I’ve experienced bliss in a dimension I would have assumed humanly impossible. I have thought things, dreamed things, said things, heard things and felt things that have so stretched the boundaries of my heart that I couldn’t possibly have any room to contain any more. All of it brought me to a place where all I seemed to see was light, nothing but blinding, magnificent light.
My high school was every “different” teenager’s worst nightmare. You couldn’t get by if you didn’t stick to the status quo which required of everyone to be cool and hip. I was one of the queer ones that just didn’t seem to fit into any mold no matter how hard I tried, and trust me, I did try. I tried so hard to not be noticed by too many people when I realized it was quite hopeless to conform to standards that just didn’t make any sense, I reasoned, the less people who knew me, the less people could pick on me or ridicule me. Little did I know that the very thing I was trying to avoid would soon smack me right in the face in the person of a certain young man that shook my world to pieces and put it back together to his perfect specifications. I entered a world of perfect bliss and harmony. For three years of my life, I gave him nothing but love and he gave it back and then some. I had my most hearty laughs and fondest memories when we were together and I really must say, nothing ever felt so good.
In putting me together as he so lovingly did, he held power over me in his hands and when he chose to exercise that power, he didn’t bother to clean up the mess he made of me. He simply stepped over it and moved on. I was left amidst the broken shards of my life with nothing. He made no apologies, just heartless rambling of pointless excuses to rid himself of any guilt. The cruelty of it all I pondered upon for many days with every tear drop on my cheek. I suffered through the pain with every breath that I took always maintaining hope that he would come back to me. I sat in the darkness of a love that was forever gone, not recognizing the pathetic space I now occupied day in, day out. I wallowed in his selfish betrayal till it became all I seemed to live for. How pathetic!
I held on to the pain for months on end till I read something really amazing in this precious book called The Holy Bible. It said, “God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” In further studies I found out that there’s this really powerful God who owns all things and who created everything, that loves me like crazy. He sent his son, who is a king by the way, to come and die for me in that my pathetic nature so that I could have a wonderful life. The one thing that struck me the most is that the very nature of this wonderful God is love. He cannot do anything that is not love. Love is who He is and because of that love, I am who I am today.
His love lifted me out of the very pit of depression, and placed me on a pedestal where pain can never overwhelm me, as long as I remain on that pedestal. His love for me has put a new spring in my step, light in my eyes, joy in my soul and hope in all that is true and good. He has truly made all things beautiful for me. As I think back on all that happened now, I can’t help but be grateful because in losing the love of a man whom I so much cherished, I received the love of a God who has my heart in the very palm of His hands.