“Every time I see her walk down the hall, I turn and walk the other way. I can’t bear to face her after what I did. There’s no point in trying to get her to forgive me. It’s better if we both just go our separate ways; life will continue. We were close before and now we’re not close anymore, no big deal. Maybe I don’t even deserve friends. She’s better off without me. I should probably just be on my own from now on. There’s no point in me making friends with someone else only for me to do something stupid and hurt that person to. I don’t deserve to have any friends. I have just one more year here; I can be fine without anybody. When school is over, I’ll move on to a new place and I’ll be better there.”
Penance is what you’ll call it isn’t it? You’ve done something wrong and you’re supposed to pay for it, no questions asked. You know what I think? You don’t have to answer that because I’m going to tell you anyway; I think it’s a load of horse manure. We all recognize when we’ve done something wrong but we’re too scared to face up to it so we carry around the guilt and a false sense of restitution which is in actuality just an escape route. No one wants to be faced with the magnitude of their sin so they don’t have to feel bad about themselves, so when we do wrong, we talk ourselves down and put our heads down in shame.
How many friendships have been destroyed because of this false sense of guilt? You know you haven’t called someone in a really long time, so you put it off and eventually tell yourself that there’s no point anymore because the person is probably to mad at you now to pick up if you call; so that’s that. You hurt someone with something you did, so you pull back from the person and convince yourself that he/she is better off without you. You’re afraid to truly take responsibility for your actions so you don’t ever make anything right, you just keep moving on, leaving a trail of broken and unfulfilled relationships in your wake. You become frustrated, unhappy and dissatisfied because you’ve broken yourself emotionally.
Even with God, the one we ALL know that forgives us ALL sins. When we sin against him, we wallow in it and beat ourselves down. We say things like, “I’ve let God down too many times,” or “if I go to Him now, I’ll still turn around and do it again.” We give all these excuses and just continue to stew in guilt, making God less of who He is. This so called penance, I read, is just a form of religious masochism whereby we inflict punishment on ourselves. You should feel bad when you’ve done wrong, but you don’t have the right to feel defeated. True remorse always brings with it repentance.
A repentant heart goes to the one wronged and says I’m sorry. Only a repentant heart can truly receive forgiveness. And only one that has been forgiven can receive strength to keep on the right track.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
My meditations; Wealth
“You can’t break a principle, you can only break yourself against a principle,” I read these words from an article written by Chuks Nwabueze for The New Woman Magazine (available in stores soon) and today I think on how true those words are.
We all search for fulfillment; we want to know that we have been able to achieve something worthwhile that everyone can be proud of. Whether it’s the father who wants his son to be a lawyer by all means; or the mother who wants to take her place in society by marrying her daughter off to the highest bidder; or the child who just wants to be able to make a decision for himself without adult interference; or the man who wants to stack those million dollar chips under his belt just for the sake of it, we all search avidly for fulfillment. And most times, fulfillment equals money.
Money in terms of spending power, status, independence, honor, whatever, after all, money makes the world go round. Of course, the student who is looking for that First Class result in school will have the personal satisfaction of being ‘the best’ but what is it all for actually, -to get a high paying job so that one can be comfortable. Maybe I shouldn’t call it money; maybe I should say wealth, or riches, I think that encompasses it all better. We are all in that pursuit of happiness which is actually a pursuit of wealth.
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God1; why is that? It is simple really. We send our lives amassing all kinds of wealth and then we go to church to alleviate our guilt. The rich man who wouldn’t sell all he had and give to the poor actually wanted to get into the Kingdom, he even kept all the laws from his youth2, and we all know how hard it is to keep the laws, especially in your youth, but he so much wanted it but he had a whole mass of wealth and he couldn’t let go. So nowadays, what we do as keeping all the laws, is that we go to church and give tremendously of the wealth we have amassed, we serve on committees, we sing in the choir, we are super friendly to everyone but as soon as wealth calls, we go running to it because that is what we have reduced ourselves to; wealth.
And in all of this, wealth is a wonderful thing that God created for us to have, for He knows that we have need of these things3. The First Law of the Kingdom is simple, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”4 But what we do is that we seek all these things hoping that it’ll make us happy and comfortable enough to go to church, like that is all there is. The law is simple; surrender yourself to God and everything else will be taken care of. Not that things will take care of themselves, but that things will be taken care of. You will still go to school to get that degree; you will still work to get paid; you will still read to have knowledge; but above all, you will know the eternal relevance of it all so that it will work for you, rather than enslave you.
The eternal relevance of what you do makes it yours so that no one can ever take it away from you. It allows you to lay up those treasures for yourself where neither moth nor rust can corrupt and where thieves do not break through or steal.5 In other words, eternal relevance keeps you protected from feelings of ‘not-good-enough’ or feelings of ‘she’s-better-than-me’ or feelings of depression because things didn’t go the way you planned, or feelings of ‘I-want-more-cars-than-the-Jones’;’ it keeps you from being cheated out of your reward or profit; it keeps you from having your life destroyed by mishaps; the eternal relevance that you can only find in the Kingdom of God.
So the rich don’t find it hard to get in because they are wealthy, they find it hard because they don’t have their wealth in the Kingdom; they have it rather than the Kingdom. God very much intends for you to prosper, the riches of the world have been laid up for you, the best of the best in this world has been handed over to you on a silver platter but to have it, you must recognize the hand that gives it and much more you must seek the face of Him that gives it.
Stop chasing fulfillment and surrender all of yourself to God. He gave you the brain you’re trying to force all that information into; he gave me these hands that I am using to type these words and the heart to search them out; he gave you that business acumen that you so want to convert to money and success so desperately; he gave you that creativity that seems to be bursting out every pore in your body; so let Him show you what He will have you do with it. Be more interested in ‘God things’ and you’ll see how beautifully your plans were made to fit into that same Kingdom. You’ll win both ways; you’ll receive manifold more in this present time and in the world to come, life everlasting.6 Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL these things shall be added unto you- you can’t break the principle, you can only break yourself against it.
1.Luke 18:25 2.Luke 18:18-21 3.Matt 6:32 4.Matt 6:33 5.Matt 6:20 6.Luke 18:29&30
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
We all search for fulfillment; we want to know that we have been able to achieve something worthwhile that everyone can be proud of. Whether it’s the father who wants his son to be a lawyer by all means; or the mother who wants to take her place in society by marrying her daughter off to the highest bidder; or the child who just wants to be able to make a decision for himself without adult interference; or the man who wants to stack those million dollar chips under his belt just for the sake of it, we all search avidly for fulfillment. And most times, fulfillment equals money.
Money in terms of spending power, status, independence, honor, whatever, after all, money makes the world go round. Of course, the student who is looking for that First Class result in school will have the personal satisfaction of being ‘the best’ but what is it all for actually, -to get a high paying job so that one can be comfortable. Maybe I shouldn’t call it money; maybe I should say wealth, or riches, I think that encompasses it all better. We are all in that pursuit of happiness which is actually a pursuit of wealth.
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God1; why is that? It is simple really. We send our lives amassing all kinds of wealth and then we go to church to alleviate our guilt. The rich man who wouldn’t sell all he had and give to the poor actually wanted to get into the Kingdom, he even kept all the laws from his youth2, and we all know how hard it is to keep the laws, especially in your youth, but he so much wanted it but he had a whole mass of wealth and he couldn’t let go. So nowadays, what we do as keeping all the laws, is that we go to church and give tremendously of the wealth we have amassed, we serve on committees, we sing in the choir, we are super friendly to everyone but as soon as wealth calls, we go running to it because that is what we have reduced ourselves to; wealth.
And in all of this, wealth is a wonderful thing that God created for us to have, for He knows that we have need of these things3. The First Law of the Kingdom is simple, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”4 But what we do is that we seek all these things hoping that it’ll make us happy and comfortable enough to go to church, like that is all there is. The law is simple; surrender yourself to God and everything else will be taken care of. Not that things will take care of themselves, but that things will be taken care of. You will still go to school to get that degree; you will still work to get paid; you will still read to have knowledge; but above all, you will know the eternal relevance of it all so that it will work for you, rather than enslave you.
The eternal relevance of what you do makes it yours so that no one can ever take it away from you. It allows you to lay up those treasures for yourself where neither moth nor rust can corrupt and where thieves do not break through or steal.5 In other words, eternal relevance keeps you protected from feelings of ‘not-good-enough’ or feelings of ‘she’s-better-than-me’ or feelings of depression because things didn’t go the way you planned, or feelings of ‘I-want-more-cars-than-the-Jones’;’ it keeps you from being cheated out of your reward or profit; it keeps you from having your life destroyed by mishaps; the eternal relevance that you can only find in the Kingdom of God.
So the rich don’t find it hard to get in because they are wealthy, they find it hard because they don’t have their wealth in the Kingdom; they have it rather than the Kingdom. God very much intends for you to prosper, the riches of the world have been laid up for you, the best of the best in this world has been handed over to you on a silver platter but to have it, you must recognize the hand that gives it and much more you must seek the face of Him that gives it.
Stop chasing fulfillment and surrender all of yourself to God. He gave you the brain you’re trying to force all that information into; he gave me these hands that I am using to type these words and the heart to search them out; he gave you that business acumen that you so want to convert to money and success so desperately; he gave you that creativity that seems to be bursting out every pore in your body; so let Him show you what He will have you do with it. Be more interested in ‘God things’ and you’ll see how beautifully your plans were made to fit into that same Kingdom. You’ll win both ways; you’ll receive manifold more in this present time and in the world to come, life everlasting.6 Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL these things shall be added unto you- you can’t break the principle, you can only break yourself against it.
1.Luke 18:25 2.Luke 18:18-21 3.Matt 6:32 4.Matt 6:33 5.Matt 6:20 6.Luke 18:29&30
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, November 28, 2011
My Meditations; Love
It said that he was afraid of the dangers and the challenges of love so he caused himself to be detached and therefore defeated. I believe that the greatest obstacle to love is the fear that your love won’t be reciprocated and would be taken for granted; maybe because this has been a real challenge for me. I’ve pulled back from friendships because I was hurt and I felt I was being cheated out of my feelings and I didn’t want that to happen. I have felt a high level of discomfort in so many of my relationships and I assumed it was okay to feel that and to therefore pull back, but I think I’m learning different now.
Nobody is perfect, I understand that completely but at the same time, there is a thin line between imperfection and being a bad person. Is there even any such thing as a bad person? Surely, there is good in everyone but when you go out of your way to not display that good, I think there’s a serious problem. Do I even have the right to look at anybody and call them bad? But it makes me wonder; will anyone ever look at me and call me bad? I surely hope not. I want to believe that I have been a good person, that I have been fair and that I have loved. But there have been failings; and the biggest one is that I have not truly loved completely.
Emotions get in the way but they were not created to. I believe they were created to give expression. What I allow them to express is solely up to me. Take happiness for example, I recently learned that it is an emotion not a destination. All our lives, we hope to accomplish that one thing that will truly make us happy and we ignore the fact that we can be happy every single day of our lives. I can choose to look around and express that feeling of happiness rather than stop living because I feel sad. It is basically point of view. Do I do things because I feel a certain way? Or, do I feel a certain way because of the wonders I see in my life? Emotions are tools to my living a fulfilled life, they aren’t the drivers of my wheel, neither are they my destination.
The key element, anyone would say, in a romantic relationship is, LOVE! Love is what makes the mushy moments sweeter; love is what makes the gifts mean more; love is what makes time together seem more precious; love is what gives hope when all else seems to be failing; love is what makes you speak to her even when you’re seething in anger; love is what makes you tell him “I love you” even when you think he is being unreasonable. But maybe it is a little deeper than that; maybe it is more and then again, maybe it is less. I think that beyond all else, it is being comfortable in your love. Perfect love casts out fear- not one type of fear, but fear. Being comfortable in your love is being able to look at that person, and see all the possibilities and being able to stand firm and trust.
Maybe it’s just me but that silent and encompassing trust is difficult; being steady in that love. Probably, it is because I fear that if even I cannot handle the depth of what I’m experiencing right now, there is no way that I can give it to you. But I see that, that is love, pouring yourself out and trusting that your partner will be there to receive all there is of you and together, you’ll handle it. It is not being afraid to give every single thing and not choose to keep some in reserve out of fear that you will fail. It is being comfortable in ‘our’ love.
Why am I writing of romantic love? Anyway, it applies to other things to, I am finding out. God is our greatest example of love, yes? And He shows us His love, day-in, day-out. He never shirks His responsibility to us and He never withholds anything from us, He loves us truly and completely. However, I am finding that I have spoken of this love, and experienced it but there’s much to do in terms of trusting completely in His love. God’s love is ever sure, that’s a given, but I don’t always act like I believe it. Furthermore, I don’t always love Him back when I say I do.
Love is life; actions. If I love God, I will follow His commandment. What is His commandment? That I love Him and that I love my fellow man. Do I love my fellow man? No, I do not always completely love. Why? Because I am afraid I will be rejected or taken advantage of or hurt. But I though perfect love casts out fear? YES, IT DOES!!!
So, the conclusion of my musing is this- I need to be comfortable enough in God’s love to trust Him and to love Him in return. And I can only love Him by loving you all. And this is the wonderful part, I don’t have to be afraid of you hurting me, rejecting me or taking advantage of me because in God’s love for me, He takes care of my hurts and He reminds me everyday in so many ways that He loves me and that His love is tangible and palpable. So I am able to love you completely without reserve because the well it comes from is full and unending. Secondly, I am not afraid to love you because love is an example, and as God teaches me to love, I teach you also to love, and you’ll teach someone else, and it just keeps getting better. Without love, we are all detached and defeated and yes, it is challenging a lot of the time but get comfortable in love, sink your roots deep into love and draw from there.
Nobody is perfect, I understand that completely but at the same time, there is a thin line between imperfection and being a bad person. Is there even any such thing as a bad person? Surely, there is good in everyone but when you go out of your way to not display that good, I think there’s a serious problem. Do I even have the right to look at anybody and call them bad? But it makes me wonder; will anyone ever look at me and call me bad? I surely hope not. I want to believe that I have been a good person, that I have been fair and that I have loved. But there have been failings; and the biggest one is that I have not truly loved completely.
Emotions get in the way but they were not created to. I believe they were created to give expression. What I allow them to express is solely up to me. Take happiness for example, I recently learned that it is an emotion not a destination. All our lives, we hope to accomplish that one thing that will truly make us happy and we ignore the fact that we can be happy every single day of our lives. I can choose to look around and express that feeling of happiness rather than stop living because I feel sad. It is basically point of view. Do I do things because I feel a certain way? Or, do I feel a certain way because of the wonders I see in my life? Emotions are tools to my living a fulfilled life, they aren’t the drivers of my wheel, neither are they my destination.
The key element, anyone would say, in a romantic relationship is, LOVE! Love is what makes the mushy moments sweeter; love is what makes the gifts mean more; love is what makes time together seem more precious; love is what gives hope when all else seems to be failing; love is what makes you speak to her even when you’re seething in anger; love is what makes you tell him “I love you” even when you think he is being unreasonable. But maybe it is a little deeper than that; maybe it is more and then again, maybe it is less. I think that beyond all else, it is being comfortable in your love. Perfect love casts out fear- not one type of fear, but fear. Being comfortable in your love is being able to look at that person, and see all the possibilities and being able to stand firm and trust.
Maybe it’s just me but that silent and encompassing trust is difficult; being steady in that love. Probably, it is because I fear that if even I cannot handle the depth of what I’m experiencing right now, there is no way that I can give it to you. But I see that, that is love, pouring yourself out and trusting that your partner will be there to receive all there is of you and together, you’ll handle it. It is not being afraid to give every single thing and not choose to keep some in reserve out of fear that you will fail. It is being comfortable in ‘our’ love.
Why am I writing of romantic love? Anyway, it applies to other things to, I am finding out. God is our greatest example of love, yes? And He shows us His love, day-in, day-out. He never shirks His responsibility to us and He never withholds anything from us, He loves us truly and completely. However, I am finding that I have spoken of this love, and experienced it but there’s much to do in terms of trusting completely in His love. God’s love is ever sure, that’s a given, but I don’t always act like I believe it. Furthermore, I don’t always love Him back when I say I do.
Love is life; actions. If I love God, I will follow His commandment. What is His commandment? That I love Him and that I love my fellow man. Do I love my fellow man? No, I do not always completely love. Why? Because I am afraid I will be rejected or taken advantage of or hurt. But I though perfect love casts out fear? YES, IT DOES!!!
So, the conclusion of my musing is this- I need to be comfortable enough in God’s love to trust Him and to love Him in return. And I can only love Him by loving you all. And this is the wonderful part, I don’t have to be afraid of you hurting me, rejecting me or taking advantage of me because in God’s love for me, He takes care of my hurts and He reminds me everyday in so many ways that He loves me and that His love is tangible and palpable. So I am able to love you completely without reserve because the well it comes from is full and unending. Secondly, I am not afraid to love you because love is an example, and as God teaches me to love, I teach you also to love, and you’ll teach someone else, and it just keeps getting better. Without love, we are all detached and defeated and yes, it is challenging a lot of the time but get comfortable in love, sink your roots deep into love and draw from there.
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