My Meditations; Love

It said that he was afraid of the dangers and the challenges of love so he caused himself to be detached and therefore defeated. I believe that the greatest obstacle to love is the fear that your love won’t be reciprocated and would be taken for granted; maybe because this has been a real challenge for me. I’ve pulled back from friendships because I was hurt and I felt I was being cheated out of my feelings and I didn’t want that to happen. I have felt a high level of discomfort in so many of my relationships and I assumed it was okay to feel that and to therefore pull back, but I think I’m learning different now.

Nobody is perfect, I understand that completely but at the same time, there is a thin line between imperfection and being a bad person. Is there even any such thing as a bad person? Surely, there is good in everyone but when you go out of your way to not display that good, I think there’s a serious problem. Do I even have the right to look at anybody and call them bad? But it makes me wonder; will anyone ever look at me and call me bad? I surely hope not. I want to believe that I have been a good person, that I have been fair and that I have loved. But there have been failings; and the biggest one is that I have not truly loved completely.

Emotions get in the way but they were not created to. I believe they were created to give expression. What I allow them to express is solely up to me. Take happiness for example, I recently learned that it is an emotion not a destination. All our lives, we hope to accomplish that one thing that will truly make us happy and we ignore the fact that we can be happy every single day of our lives. I can choose to look around and express that feeling of happiness rather than stop living because I feel sad. It is basically point of view. Do I do things because I feel a certain way? Or, do I feel a certain way because of the wonders I see in my life? Emotions are tools to my living a fulfilled life, they aren’t the drivers of my wheel, neither are they my destination.

The key element, anyone would say, in a romantic relationship is, LOVE! Love is what makes the mushy moments sweeter; love is what makes the gifts mean more; love is what makes time together seem more precious; love is what gives hope when all else seems to be failing; love is what makes you speak to her even when you’re seething in anger; love is what makes you tell him “I love you” even when you think he is being unreasonable. But maybe it is a little deeper than that; maybe it is more and then again, maybe it is less. I think that beyond all else, it is being comfortable in your love. Perfect love casts out fear- not one type of fear, but fear. Being comfortable in your love is being able to look at that person, and see all the possibilities and being able to stand firm and trust.

Maybe it’s just me but that silent and encompassing trust is difficult; being steady in that love. Probably, it is because I fear that if even I cannot handle the depth of what I’m experiencing right now, there is no way that I can give it to you. But I see that, that is love, pouring yourself out and trusting that your partner will be there to receive all there is of you and together, you’ll handle it. It is not being afraid to give every single thing and not choose to keep some in reserve out of fear that you will fail. It is being comfortable in ‘our’ love.

Why am I writing of romantic love? Anyway, it applies to other things to, I am finding out. God is our greatest example of love, yes? And He shows us His love, day-in, day-out. He never shirks His responsibility to us and He never withholds anything from us, He loves us truly and completely. However, I am finding that I have spoken of this love, and experienced it but there’s much to do in terms of trusting completely in His love. God’s love is ever sure, that’s a given, but I don’t always act like I believe it. Furthermore, I don’t always love Him back when I say I do.

Love is life; actions. If I love God, I will follow His commandment. What is His commandment? That I love Him and that I love my fellow man. Do I love my fellow man? No, I do not always completely love. Why? Because I am afraid I will be rejected or taken advantage of or hurt. But I though perfect love casts out fear? YES, IT DOES!!!

So, the conclusion of my musing is this- I need to be comfortable enough in God’s love to trust Him and to love Him in return. And I can only love Him by loving you all. And this is the wonderful part, I don’t have to be afraid of you hurting me, rejecting me or taking advantage of me because in God’s love for me, He takes care of my hurts and He reminds me everyday in so many ways that He loves me and that His love is tangible and palpable. So I am able to love you completely without reserve because the well it comes from is full and unending. Secondly, I am not afraid to love you because love is an example, and as God teaches me to love, I teach you also to love, and you’ll teach someone else, and it just keeps getting better. Without love, we are all detached and defeated and yes, it is challenging a lot of the time but get comfortable in love, sink your roots deep into love and draw from there.